Category: writing

When I just want to write a blog post about something general

NIGHTMARE!

Robin 0 Comment writing , , , ,
giving the finger

I know my quest to freedom from judgement is working when my subconscious throws a nightmare into the mix.

Last night I had the most embarrassing mortifying dream. Let’s just say I did something super fucking weird (I can’t even tell you because I’m so embarrassed) and all of my friends, colleagues, family, ex-boyfriends laughed their asses off at me and essentially never wanted to be friends with me again.

What I’m seeing is that I’m still scared of sharing myself, ALL of myself. I also think it’s going to be something that I need to continue to practice and reflect on for a good long while.

+++++++

The other day I was going about 100KM’s in the fast lane. I was passing people. This woman and her SUV came rushing up behind me and then quickly passed me in the slow lane when there was the tiniest opportunity. As she passed me (and Luc and Violette) she fingered me.

I judged her in that moment – psycho bitch seemed like an appropriate title for her.

AND I’ve been that woman. And it’s so interesting to see me reflected in her.

I felt a lot of compassion for her as I know what it’s like to be that angry, pissed off, crazy, righteous and make wrong. I wondered what was going on for her in her life. I also wondered if I knew her (Victoria is very small after all).

I was in a great mood so when I eventually passed her (that probably wasn’t in her plan), I gave her the Heart sign with my hands and smiled at her. She might have interpreted that as passive aggressive – her interpretation and I don’t have to own that. I really just wanted to show her some compassion and that I got her. I’ve been there.

She eventually passed me again and made a “V” with her fingers and put her tongue between them (if you catch my drift). Violette of course wanted to know what that meant.

I feel grateful for that moment. I can see now the self love work that I’ve done for myself is paying off because it didn’t trigger me back. That’s big. I was able to stay outside of whatever she had going on for her, not wonder what I did wrong, or how wrong she is.

There was so much love and compassion for this human being who was just like me not that long ago. Thanks universe for helping me to see where I was and where I am now.

giving the finger

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Busting up my money context

Robin 0 Comment writing , , , , ,
Busting up my money context

This afternoon I met with my coach to talk about money and where my relationship with money is holding me back. You see, I have always saved and squirrelled and scrimped. Like there was always a scarcity of money.

This story or belief that I’ve had has built some wealth in my life. I married a Swiss banker and we’ve been living a fairly abundant life with money. We have a lot of the same values around money.

The only problem is that because of this story and belief, I actually can’t live a fulfilling life.

What do I mean? Everything has a value. Is it worth it to me to do something? Is it worth it to buy something? Am I getting the best deal? Where are the sales? It’s like constantly measuring yourself and your life against money (and time but that’s for another post).

This morning, I actually got pissy because Luc had to print 37 pages of a soccer coaching manual on our printer. Do you know the cost of ink? I could let the cost of the paper go but not the ink. I suggested even to have it printed at Staples as that would be $3.70. Surely, the ink in our printer would cost more. I could see that that seemed a bit ridiculous so eventually landed on black and white, two pages to a sheet, economy ink dispersal and I could live with that.

The other day, I decided that having time alone for me was more important than car pooling with Luc. And so we had to have a gas conversation and if I was going to pay for that.

IT’S EXHAUSTING AND I’m declaring I’m busting that up. In order for ME to not have a scarcity belief, my practice is abundance and generosity.

In order for us to shed the beliefs that are holding us back, we must really get what is getting in our way (judgement, money, time, etc…) and then build practices and exercise our choices to rewire our brains and create the lives we want. Outside of our comfort zone where we grow.

What is it we want in our lives? Stop. Ask yourself now. Like for realz here people. No shit no kidding.

What is getting in your way? I hear money a lot. I also hear time (too busy). I hear being scared. Are you willing to make a bold move, even if you are scared, to finally be free of that thing that’s holding you back?

This month for me it’s judgement. And now I’ve distinguished money. And so my practice this week is to share with you and my accountability buddy, Michelle, when I choose YES to money instead of “are you fucking kidding me?” This practice will move me closer to breaking down my fears of money, it will create money to not be something that constantly holds me back, I will have the breakthrough I want in order to be free of this ball and chain.

Today I said yes to my beautiful friend Hilary to buy more of her product with Valentus.

The goal is to have money be abundant, free flowing, generosity, love, freedom, curiosity and beautiful. Not something to stress about. It’s just money in – money out = money left over. That’s it.

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Things I don’t want you to know and things I do want you to know

Robin 0 Comment writing , ,
Things I don’t want you to know and things I do want you to know

I was showering this morning thinking about what I would share. I was wondering what would be super scary to share with my world that would plunge me outside of my comfort zone? I got it, things I don’t want you to know about me and things I do.

Things I don’t want you to know about me:

  • I was a loser in high school (that might be a bit harsh and funny that it’s the first bullet)
  • I’m afraid people are judging me ALL THE TIME (this is actually reducing as I didn’t die yet since I started this 6 days ago)
  • I’m afraid people will find out I’m controlling – or at least that’s the story
  • I’m afraid people will think I’m stupid
  • I cry (a lot)
  • I get angry and yell
  • I think I’m fat
  • I don’t especially like gardening
  • I spend way too much time in my head worrying
  • I swear too much
  • I hate cooking
  • I worry about money
  • I worry if about how I come across to others
  • I worry if people think I’m weird
  • I worry I’m not a good mother or wife
  • I have some regrets in life and I also see these things made me who I am today
  • I don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do
  • I suffer, blame and make people wrong
  • I feel like a doormat, not enough, and I don’t matter
  • I can be righteous and a victim
  • #metoo
  • I’m not perfect
  • I’m human

Things I want you to know about me:

  • I’m a mother, wife, daughter, public servant, landlord, coach, lover of nature
  • I’m living outside my comfort zone in order to grow
  • I’m posting this to crack open my judgement context
  • I was a single mom for a few years and I’m proud of it
  • I want to learn Spanish
  • I love dancing
  • I love singing in my car alone or with Vivi
  • I love to listen to accents in other people
  • I love culture, different countries and finding out about our differences
  • I love people especially when I get to see inside their beautiful lives
  • I’m learning that others have shit going on in their lives which sometimes comes out onto me
  • I’m learning how not to make that about me
  • I’m going to get another tattoo
  • I’m learning that I can’t be responsible for how people interpret what I say/do. I can clean it up though
  • I’m learning a new relationship with integrity
  • I’m learning how to let go of responsibilities that aren’t mine
    • And that everything will still turn out as it will
  • I want to make a difference in the world
  • I want everyone I talk to to feel touched, special and loved
  • I want to leave a legacy
  • I love it when my husband gardens and I get to eat that nourishing food
  • I love it when people show that they like/love me
  • I’m learning to feel ok without the external input from others
  • I’m learning to love and fall in love with myself
  • I’m not perfect
  • I’m human
  • I’m Love, Leader, Humanity, Play and Hearth and my life purpose is Harmony

<3

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Getting to no… is not so bad

Robin 0 Comment writing , , ,
A gift

I’ve been working on my coaching business like cray cray these days. What does that mean exactly? Talking with amazing humans. Conversating about their lives. Listening to what their goals and dreams are that they want to make come true. This job might be the best job on the face of this planet. Well it’s definitely the right “job” (if you can even call it that) for me.

Side note: there are a ton of amazing humans out there wanting to make a real difference in their lives, their community and the world.  

Eventually, the conversation turns to me asking them if they want to hire me. For any of you that I’ve talked to of late, this is not about you, this is all about me.

What’s so: in the last three days I’ve had 5 “no, not right now” conversations for coaching.

What I’m realizing is that the “no, not right now” is a gift.

Don’t get me wrong: YES is an even better gift but I am seeing the “no, not right now’s” as a gift in my commitment and passion for what I’m building.

If everything came easy and everyone agreed to commit to coaching, then I wouldn’t get to grow in what the “no, not right now” means.

Tricked you: “no, not right now” means absolutely nothing. It just means “no, not right now”. That’s it. It doesn’t mean I’m not good enough, it doesn’t mean they don’t like me, it doesn’t mean that people don’t know what they are missing – it just means “no, not right now”.

We, humans are meaning-making-machines. We make meaning out of everything even when there isn’t anything to mean in a lot of cases. This is a life long practice for me to cut the BS and just listen for what is actually being said in every circumstance. Not what the hidden meaning could be.

So I see that when the universe is giving me “no, not right now”, I’m learning a whole bunch of stuff. I’m learning, that it’s not about me. I’m learning that people have their own stuff going on. I’m learning that I have to hear “no, not right now” a few times before I get a YES. I’m learning that the “no, not right now” makes me stronger and I grow. AND I’m getting out there, letting the universe know what I’m up to and what I want to create. I’m in action creating my business – which makes me proud.

And when I hear a “HELL YES!” it makes the journey to loving my coaching business all the more rewarding.

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OnFocus Journey

Robin 0 Comment writing , , , ,
Footprints

Today I share a piece of unperfected writing that I will submit to Island Parent for consideration for a monthly submission for the next 20 months. I’ve never considered myself a writer, hence never thought myself good enough. It’s with fear of failure, trepidation, and feelings of not good enough that I write this – and will submit it anyway. Please share any feedback you have to make this article great. The idea is to have a monthly article posted in Island Parent of the journey our family is taking both from a worldly standpoint and from a inside-out perspective.

My phone bings. I look at it. It’s Trello being updated by my husband. Ahh the sweet sound of our 5 year-in-the-making, 1 year trip around the world coming closer to a reality. (Trello is a sudo project management app that is helping to keep our unquestionably complicated journey in check.)

5 years ago, after living 5 months in Switzerland while I was on maternity leave, Luc (my Dear Hubby) and I decided that we would come back there on a more permanent basis after our eldest daughter graduated high school. 2 years ago, that idea turned into a trip throughout our world. And now we’re 9 months away from leaving.

A lot has happened in that time, I became a personal life coach, we have both approved leaves from our jobs, and our dreams of where we want to explore have grown and expanded. We are discovering what it means to “slow-travel”. AND it all hasn’t been sunshine and rainbows – oh no! I remember wondering what are we going to do with our house (still a bit of a question mark to be honest). There was one particular planning session with Luc that went wildly sideways (I might have said “forget it let’s abandon this trip altogether” – not a shining moment). Our daughter graduated and then left for 4 years of university across the country to follow her dream (yep we’re going without her). And the thought of homeschooling our soon to be 7 year old sends me running as fast as I can to the interwebs.

While I explored my dreams and goals with my coach, I knew that the only thing between me and my dream was me. It’s all possible. It’s also completely outside of my comfort zone. That little voice in my head tells me still “oh this is going to be a lot of work. Why would you want to do this HARD thing. It’s going to be scary out there. Just stay right here where it’s super warm, cozy and you already know how it’s going to go.” Got it. Thanks. And I’m going to chose something different and something unknown.

One of the first things that people say to me when I tell them we’re going on a 1 year holiday “I would too if I won the lottery”. Know this: you 100% don’t need to win the lottery. There is a crazy big community of families that have been living for years on the road. Giving up their jobs and making money while travelling. There are resources out there that can make travelling cheaper (house sitting, buying plane tickets with points, and budgeting to name a few). Coaching can also help to dissolve your relationship to money – it’s definitely helping me.

What I will provide over the next 20 months: many many resources to help families like us, see that this can be a reality. Inspiration to people to live the life that they dream. Courage to show that it can be done. Reality of what life actually throws at you and the humour that surrounds it. The journey that we as parents are on in this world and in our lives.

Our itinerary so far: New York, France, Switzerland (where our home base will be for 5 months and our youngest will go to school in French), I will walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain, Italy, Germany, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, the Philippines, Bali, Australia and Fiji.

My journey to get me to where I am right now has been one of self love, self reflection, giving up suffering, control, right and wrong, tapping into who I am, humanity, time and money. I have by no means perfected any of this, it’s a work in progress and I will be working on this until I die I’m sure of it.

This has and will be a journey. I look forward to the journey with you.

Robin Howe is a mother to two beautiful smart daughters (18 and 7), wife, public servant and a personal life coach exploring what it means to be human and what this great big world has to offer. Follow her journey at OnFocusCoaching.ca

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