I know my quest to freedom from judgement is working when my subconscious throws a nightmare into the mix.
Last night I had the most embarrassing mortifying dream. Let’s just say I did something super fucking weird (I can’t even tell you because I’m so embarrassed) and all of my friends, colleagues, family, ex-boyfriends laughed their asses off at me and essentially never wanted to be friends with me again.
What I’m seeing is that I’m still scared of sharing myself, ALL of myself. I also think it’s going to be something that I need to continue to practice and reflect on for a good long while.
The other day I was going about 100KM’s in the fast lane. I was passing people. This woman and her SUV came rushing up behind me and then quickly passed me in the slow lane when there was the tiniest opportunity. As she passed me (and Luc and Violette) she fingered me.
I judged her in that moment – psycho bitch seemed like an appropriate title for her.
AND I’ve been that woman. And it’s so interesting to see me reflected in her.
I felt a lot of compassion for her as I know what it’s like to be that angry, pissed off, crazy, righteous and make wrong. I wondered what was going on for her in her life. I also wondered if I knew her (Victoria is very small after all).
I was in a great mood so when I eventually passed her (that probably wasn’t in her plan), I gave her the Heart sign with my hands and smiled at her. She might have interpreted that as passive aggressive – her interpretation and I don’t have to own that. I really just wanted to show her some compassion and that I got her. I’ve been there.
She eventually passed me again and made a “V” with her fingers and put her tongue between them (if you catch my drift). Violette of course wanted to know what that meant.
I feel grateful for that moment. I can see now the self love work that I’ve done for myself is paying off because it didn’t trigger me back. That’s big. I was able to stay outside of whatever she had going on for her, not wonder what I did wrong, or how wrong she is.
There was so much love and compassion for this human being who was just like me not that long ago. Thanks universe for helping me to see where I was and where I am now.