I wanted to post this first but since the fiasco happened, I thought I’d start with that as it was fresh in my mind. Let me start by saying, this blog is unique in that while I’ll tell you what we’re up to on our trip, I’m also going to share vulnerably what is going on for me. Meaning you’ll hear happiness, struggle, love, adventure, heart, fun, pain, fear, and possibly failures. I’m going to express what I’m feeling when I’m feeling it. I hope I don’t scare you away J
This blog post was written when I was waiting for our first flight out of Victoria.
We’re sitting in the airport in Victoria. Finally it hits me, this is it. Years of thinking about this. Months and months of planning this. Planning is an understatement. This is one of the biggest projects I’ve ever undertaken besides having children.
Weeks of tying up all the loose ends. I should have blogged about what has gone into this trip. I will. But today, I’m so present to the fact that this is it. My dream, our dream, to travel the world for a year. All I can say is this is surreal.
These last couple of weeks have been incredibly emotional. It’s funny to think that for so many months/years I’ve looked forward to this trip. Excitement, joy, gratitude. Interestingly, I never would have anticipated that the last two weeks were the most challenging. Not because of the last minute stuff that had to get done (admittedly that was challenging) but because of all of the emotions I didn’t think I would feel.
I thought that “excitement” would carry me through to here and now. But it didn’t. It actually didn’t show up until I packed my bag 2 days ago and even then it was fleeting. What showed up was feeling sad, alone, heart break, missing out, and lack of connection. People said, “You must be so excited!” and “You’ll forget all about us when you’re out there travelling.” This has got to be one of the hardest things I’ve done in my entire life. Not just because of all of the organizing… it’s also the leaving. Saying good bye over and over and over again for me was torture.
I’ve worked so hard to get here, to this moment of leaving my current life and reality behind, to experience so many new things and now fear is showing up. It’s totally normal, I know. I’ll get over it, but for now that’s what I’m present to. Fear of the unknown, loss of control, loss of connection, what’s waiting for us out there…
I’m moving through all the emotions instead of pushing them down. Admittedly, I might be feeling guilt and shame for not feeling “excited” as so many imagine I would be. I have “pushed down” the emotions for years… and I’m choosing now to move through the emotions as this now feels more me. I don’t have to pretend I’m not sad. And I didn’t. I am. So why hide it. Instead I embrace the feels.
And now I sit here, waiting to embark on the trip of a life time. My dreams are becoming reality.
I’m choosing excitement starting now!