Loving Myself

Regardless of how anyone else feels about me, I am going to choose to be happy and completely love myself today

Here we go…

I’ve always thought to myself that I wasn’t one of those people who didn’t love herself. I somehow equated not loving myself to low self esteem. Not sure how I got there but that’s where I’ve lived for a long time. And because I made this connection and I know I don’t have low self esteem, I must love myself. I certainly don’t hate myself.

I was on a coaching call the other day with my coach exploring externally-driven love. Essentially, (and this is hard to admit) I need people to show me they love me to feel “enough” and to “matter”. Yikes. And while I’ve been told every way from Sunday that I can’t change people and love has to come from within, I also know I get my cup filled up when other’s show they love me. So that must be the only way…right?

So we explored self love. I was defiant at first given what I wrote in the first paragraph… “who me? no way, I have self love. pppppshhhht…” and then after I stopped disagreeing with her, I took a look. And got honest with myself. Do I even know what that means? Do I honour myself such that I will put myself first? What does it mean to fall in love with yourself? (and not in that egotistical, self centred, narcissistic way.) Am I doing things to show myself that I actually love myself?

Well, you guessed it…. it all came back as a big fat NOPE.

And so I practice. I practiced actually going 1% further in a conversation where I had to stand for myself. I practice buying myself ice cream to give a gift to myself. I practice loving different parts of my body daily. I practice showing myself love and saying affirming things to myself. I practice noticing when people are showing me love (amazingly this didn’t even come through even though that’s what I wanted).

This is a practice. I’m choosing love for myself. I’m choosing trying something different to get a different outcome. Looking to see where I can break the cycle that has held me back all these years of not feeling enough and that I matter.

Regardless of how anyone else feels about me, I am going to choose to be happy and completely love myself today
Regardless of how anyone else feels about me, I am going to choose to be happy and completely love myself today

 

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30 days of Authenticity

Be Fearlessly Authentic

Many of you know I have taken on a new role of personal/life coach (in addition to my day job or course). This new work has sparked a new purpose in me. I’m finding that talking and partnering with people and learning about their lives and what they want to create and their joys and goals, is by far the most rewarding thing I have ever done (next to parenting and my marriage of course 😉).

Through this journey, I also have a coach and am exploring what things in my life I’m getting held back by. And so, with that I’m going to share something that is completely outside of my comfort zone to practice breaking out of something that is holding me back.

Judgement.

Judgement shows up for me like I don’t share myself with you, I don’t be me, I hold back, you don’t really get to know me unless you’re a close friend. Then I trust you enough to share who I am. Reason being is that I’m worried you’re going to judge me. And to me, that would be the end of the world.

So, in order to break out of this shell that holds me back, I will practice my muscle of sharing with everyone (not just on FB) those things that I would be worried to share with you because I worry you will judge me. I will share for the next 30 days. (yikes, hello accountability.)

Today, I’m grateful for this amazing life I have, the community that surrounds me, and humanity. I’m grateful for the awareness that I have to know what holds me back, and to know how to access something different to live an authentic kickass life.

 — feeling courage.

Be Fearlessly Authentic

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