Things I don’t want you to know and things I do want you to know

I was showering this morning thinking about what I would share. I was wondering what would be super scary to share with my world that would plunge me outside of my comfort zone? I got it, things I don’t want you to know about me and things I do.

Things I don’t want you to know about me:

  • I was a loser in high school (that might be a bit harsh and funny that it’s the first bullet)
  • I’m afraid people are judging me ALL THE TIME (this is actually reducing as I didn’t die yet since I started this 6 days ago)
  • I’m afraid people will find out I’m controlling – or at least that’s the story
  • I’m afraid people will think I’m stupid
  • I cry (a lot)
  • I get angry and yell
  • I think I’m fat
  • I don’t especially like gardening
  • I spend way too much time in my head worrying
  • I swear too much
  • I hate cooking
  • I worry about money
  • I worry if about how I come across to others
  • I worry if people think I’m weird
  • I worry I’m not a good mother or wife
  • I have some regrets in life and I also see these things made me who I am today
  • I don’t have enough time to do everything I want to do
  • I suffer, blame and make people wrong
  • I feel like a doormat, not enough, and I don’t matter
  • I can be righteous and a victim
  • #metoo
  • I’m not perfect
  • I’m human

Things I want you to know about me:

  • I’m a mother, wife, daughter, public servant, landlord, coach, lover of nature
  • I’m living outside my comfort zone in order to grow
  • I’m posting this to crack open my judgement context
  • I was a single mom for a few years and I’m proud of it
  • I want to learn Spanish
  • I love dancing
  • I love singing in my car alone or with Vivi
  • I love to listen to accents in other people
  • I love culture, different countries and finding out about our differences
  • I love people especially when I get to see inside their beautiful lives
  • I’m learning that others have shit going on in their lives which sometimes comes out onto me
  • I’m learning how not to make that about me
  • I’m going to get another tattoo
  • I’m learning that I can’t be responsible for how people interpret what I say/do. I can clean it up though
  • I’m learning a new relationship with integrity
  • I’m learning how to let go of responsibilities that aren’t mine
    • And that everything will still turn out as it will
  • I want to make a difference in the world
  • I want everyone I talk to to feel touched, special and loved
  • I want to leave a legacy
  • I love it when my husband gardens and I get to eat that nourishing food
  • I love it when people show that they like/love me
  • I’m learning to feel ok without the external input from others
  • I’m learning to love and fall in love with myself
  • I’m not perfect
  • I’m human
  • I’m Love, Leader, Humanity, Play and Hearth and my life purpose is Harmony

<3

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Outside the Comfort Zone Podcast: Interview with Tanner Holtman and Michelle Audrey

Outside the Comfort Zone

An Interview with Tanner Holtman and Michelle Aubrey from Divinus Creatura, a powerhouse duo up to creating massive shifts in the world through their powerful clients and the people they meet.

It was my honor to be able to chat with them and find out what is up for them now and what they see into their future. I also got to learn about who their clientelle is the tremendous stand they are in their clients greatness.

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Leukemia

10 days ago, I got a text from my best friend, “there’s no easy way to say this, my girl has Leukemia”. And in that short text, her world and my world shifted (probably more accurately, her world blew up). It’s so true when they say, “life can change in an instant”. Her daughter is 11.

I couldn’t even imagine what my friend and her husband must have been going through as a parent in that moment and the moments that followed. And even now, 11 days later, where life turns into what’s happening in this instant, and the next instant, and then the next. Where you were planning, and living your life to the beat of your farm, your children, your garden, your community. And now you’re moving in the bubble of a hospital to the beat of the doctors and nurses and how your sick child is.

For me, I first felt incredible sadness and compassion for this beautiful family. This family has been a part of our family since I was 16. I first knew her dad, and then a few year later we were all roommates. Through all my growing years, learning years, influential years, they have been by my side in one way or another. Our babies have grown up together. When I brought my future husband to meet them, there was worry and love for what he stood for in our lives. They were protective of me and my daughter to make sure we wouldn’t get hurt. And then years later, all their beautiful children were flower girls in our wedding and my best friend was my maid of honor.

When I got that text 11 days ago, I was angry for a moment that something so terrible could happen to a family that is so incredible. They have 6 daughters altogether. They are in 4H and are home schooled. They are a very big part of quite a few communities around this island, giving back, loving people, creating abundance in their lives and the lives of many many others. I could list off all the ways they make a difference in other people’s lives but let me just say that their community and our world is better with them in it. Which then had me get angry and wonder: if there was a god, why would he/she let such a horrible thing like childhood cancer impact a family that so clearly doesn’t deserve this.

Directly following that I felt an incredible pull to be of service to them. I’ve never felt such a strong desire/need to be with another human; to be there for them. 1.5 days later, I hopped on a ferry to the mainland to see where I could help these beautiful humans. I got to listen, support, warm up burritos, deliver groceries, give hugs, laugh, untangle tubes, and most importantly I got to BE with them. Like really be with them. Be with them in silence. Be with them while they were reading their family handbook on cancer, be with them when the doctor was explaining. Be with them when she was going into surgery and then waking up from surgery, Be with them when we just wanted to watch a movie. Connection in a time of compassion, grief, distress, confusion, love, sadness. What a gift this was for me.

And then I went home a different person.

We’re all on our own journeys in life. Processing what happens in our lives, as we need to. We put up guards to protect us and keep us safe. In an incredibly stressful time, that’s when our survival mechanism kicks in and says, “Ok, I’m running the show now, this is exactly what I’ve been training for all our lives. Move over, I need to get us back to our comfort zone pronto.” And then we do those things that we know so well to do to get us back to comfort and safety and normalcy. And this happens at times when we’re outside our comfort zones. And it’s perfectly ok.

And as you can imagine, in a situation like finding out your baby has cancer, that would plunge you outside the CZ in an instant. You zip down to one hospital and then over to another where tests, surgeries and doctors fill your life within 24 hours. How incredibly scary and jarring that must be. And then I think of the doctors in that hospital and how loving, kind, compassionate, and strong they are and how well they know to keep you safe, informed, and nurtured. And eventually, the hospital and tests and treatments “become the new normal” as I heard a doctor say. I envision that this new normal is potentially your survival mechanism now morphing to create comfort out of the chaos and protect us and keep us safe.

And through all of this, I continue to send massive light, love and strength to my wonderful friends. I want to be whatever they need me to be to support them in whatever way they need supported. I’m honored to be a part of their journey in this life.

 

 

 

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Outside the Comfort Zone Podcast: Interview with Sheila Leclerc

Outside the Comfort Zone

Well I finally launched my very first podcast! I’m so thrilled to be sharing this with you. I learned a lot in a very short period of time. More on that below.

Sheila is an amazing life coaching focusing on powerful women. I really enjoyed sitting down with her and getting to know more about Sheila and what her vision is for her coaching business. I got shivers when she told me about the transformation she wants to be apart of for women in this world.

You can find Sheila over at CoachSheila.ca where you can sign up for her newsletter and find out more about her!

I invite you to comment below to let me know if you enjoyed this podcast, and any feedback you can give.


How I made my first podcast:

 

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Comfort Zone

QuoteToday I lived outside of my comfort zone. How do I know I did that? A few ways:

  1. I could feel physical sensations of electricity
  2. I was doing something new that I had never done before
  3. I was nervous/excited
  4. It felt amazing!

Comfort zone is an interesting thing. It’s all warm, lovely, safe, endearing, and hell-it’s COMFORTABLE! AmIright? And it’s also limiting, powerless, and you get to be who you are for the rest of your life. Not sure about you, but I’ve got more growing to do.

What is it like outside the comfort zone: scary, new, powerful, there are opportunities there that we can take, dreams we get to fulfill, possibilities are endless. We get to create what we want to do.

We might not succeed. And so what? If we didn’t succeed all that means is… we didn’t succeed. Let’s try again. If we don’t do it at all, we definitely won’t succeed.

What if we did succeed? What would that create? For you, for me, for the world.

And now it’s time to celebrate that I did what I said I was going to do even though it was outside my comfort zone. And when I post about it, I’m sure that will also be outside my comfort zone. My celebration is that I’m going to turn on some music and do a happy dance right here in my living room. Oh yeah I am!

For now, it’s a surprise what it is that I will be sharing. I wanted to write what is so for me right now. And yes, I want to do a big reveal; ya got me. And by posting that this is coming, I now can’t back out of finishing what I started. So there is an accountability piece there now that I’ve posted this to the outside world.

My coach would say to me “when will you have that completed?” I’m aiming for Sunday night to be able to share it all with you.

I can’t wait. 🙂

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