An interesting thing was pointed out to me from a friend the other day which has stuck with me: I suffer in order to slow my world down. I don’t necessarily do it on purpose, but that’s what I do.
Let me back up…
Last month, I was mad at everyone and everything. I blamed the course that I’m in for packing on too much stuff all at the same time: a mid term, homework, reading, connecting, different games, etc… I actually thought they were trying to break me. On top of that work was full on every day, and I felt my business was not growing. My family needed me. What about me?!? There was way too much stuff going on.
So I stewed and blamed and cried and got mad, cut off my family, acted like a 6 year old with people on my coaching team, vented, and essentially did anything I could to not do the things I needed to do. I blamed everyone and was really in my shit. Hating on life, hating what was going on for me. It was so easy to just project it outwards and not be responsible for it.
Finally after days of this BS (weeks?), I reached out to a friend who is also another powerful coach, who I had been reserving for the time I was in my biggest breakdown (you’re welcome Bay :)). She listened to me get angry, cry, and she really got me and related to me. She shared that what’s probably happening is that I suffer to stop my world – especially if I felt like it was spinning out of control (I might have a control issue – just one). I might even get sick to make the world stop (thankfully I didn’t get there).
That one conversation was like a sonic boom for me. How much do I suffer? How much do I do that when shits going off the rails? How often do I get super resigned and cynical when things are too much?
Answer: all the time.
What is there to do about that? Well first get that I don’t have to suffer – like for realz people.
AND, it’s ok to have a temper tantrum. And, you can totally be in your shit, and if you are, stop resisting and fighting it. As it will just persist and draw it out longer than you need. I haven’t tried this yet (weirdly the suffering went away instantly after this conversation) but when I will I will be sure to let you know.
And so the practice: notice when I suffer. What am I resisting? Choose: be with the shitty feeling for a while (totally ok) or choose something else.
You might ask, but what about all the STUFF that you had to do? What she shared is that I don’t have to do it all – wait… what? I don’t have to study for the midterm. I don’t have to build my business right this exact moment. I don’t have to do the homework and read (I’m now reading last months book this month due to me choosing not to do that). AND I need to understand what the consequences are of not doing those things.
There’s going to be consequences to your choices. Totally ok.
I chose to not study as much as I wanted. And guess what? I PASSED!!
I didn’t build my business last month. And this month I am.
There were some other things that didn’t happen that I chose not to do. And the sky didn’t fall. I didn’t feel like a failure for not getting it done. It just didn’t get done. I chose powerfully that which I would do and wouldn’t do and for that I didn’t feel failure or pressure.
I let go of suffering to have peace in my heart.