Suffering

Peace lives in my heart

An interesting thing was pointed out to me from a friend the other day which has stuck with me: I suffer in order to slow my world down. I don’t necessarily do it on purpose, but that’s what I do.

Let me back up…

Last month, I was mad at everyone and everything. I blamed the course that I’m in for packing on too much stuff all at the same time: a mid term, homework, reading, connecting, different games, etc… I actually thought they were trying to break me. On top of that work was full on every day, and I felt my business was not growing. My family needed me. What about me?!? There was way too much stuff going on.

So I stewed and blamed and cried and got mad, cut off my family, acted like a 6 year old with people on my coaching team, vented, and essentially did anything I could to not do the things I needed to do. I blamed everyone and was really in my shit. Hating on life, hating what was going on for me. It was so easy to just project it outwards and not be responsible for it.

Finally after days of this BS (weeks?), I reached out to a friend who is also another powerful coach, who I had been reserving for the time I was in my biggest breakdown (you’re welcome Bay :)). She listened to me get angry, cry, and she really got me and related to me. She shared that what’s probably happening is that I suffer to stop my world – especially if I felt like it was spinning out of control (I might have a control issue – just one). I might even get sick to make the world stop (thankfully I didn’t get there).

That one conversation was like a sonic boom for me. How much do I suffer? How much do I do that when shits going off the rails? How often do I get super resigned and cynical when things are too much?

Answer: all the time.

What is there to do about that? Well first get that I don’t have to suffer – like for realz people.

AND, it’s ok to have a temper tantrum. And, you can totally be in your shit, and if you are, stop resisting and fighting it. As it will just persist and draw it out longer than you need. I haven’t tried this yet (weirdly the suffering went away instantly after this conversation) but when I will I will be sure to let you know.

And so the practice: notice when I suffer. What am I resisting? Choose: be with the shitty feeling for a while (totally ok) or choose something else.

You might ask, but what about all the STUFF that you had to do? What she shared is that I don’t have to do it all – wait… what? I don’t have to study for the midterm. I don’t have to build my business right this exact moment. I don’t have to do the homework and read (I’m now reading last months book this month due to me choosing not to do that). AND I need to understand what the consequences are of not doing those things.

There’s going to be consequences to your choices. Totally ok.

I chose to not study as much as I wanted. And guess what? I PASSED!!

I didn’t build my business last month. And this month I am.

There were some other things that didn’t happen that I chose not to do. And the sky didn’t fall. I didn’t feel like a failure for not getting it done. It just didn’t get done. I chose powerfully that which I would do and wouldn’t do and for that I didn’t feel failure or pressure.

I let go of suffering to have peace in my heart.

Peace lives in my heart

 

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Around the world

The world

I have finally released the info that I’ve been holding for over a year now: Luc, Violette and I are going on a 1 year leave of absence from our government jobs and travelling the world. I can finally be authentic in my speaking and sharing. There is so much freedom and excitement in that.

So what does this mean? Well, I can speak about my coaching business in relation to my travelling the world. The reason I started my coaching practice was to create more financial abundance while we travel. (Instead of spending all our money without an income coming in.)

Looking at how I relate to money about this trip and in life is my next blog post.

The work of a life coach is: partnering with your client to help to create and manifest their project, goals, desires and dreams. Travelling for a year with my family is also a dream of mine. Who would I be to not live my truth? How could I be a life coach if I also wasn’t living my dream?

I get it. It’s hard, it’s scary, it’s waaaaaaaay outside your comfort zone to live and breathe your dreams. Every day I’m getting closer to my dream, seeing what it’s going to take to get us there, constantly moving through comfort to uncomfortable. And I have no doubt that it’s going to be so amazing, so back to my being, so soul filling, so much adventure, growth, peace, angst, love, desire.

So where are we going? Well it seems to change daily (thanks hubby for helping make it impossible for me to plan :P) Here’s what we have chosen so far:

  • Leave mid-July 2018
  • Fly with one way point tickets to New York
  • Get cheap flight from New York to Switzerland (CH)/France (undetermined where exactly currently)
  • Try to be in CH for Aug 1 (national holiday)
  • Cote d’Azure to visit family in Aug
  • Violette starts school in CH mid-August
  • Robin leaves for Camino de Santiago beginning of September
  • Luc meets Robin for last 100 km.
  • 2 weeks of holidays for Violette Oct (Germany/Italy)
  • Leave for Sri Lanka/Maldives first week of January
  • Thailand, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia (not in that order)
  • Phillipines, Bali
  • west coast of Australia, great barrier reef
  • Fiji
  • Home July 2019.

Now we prepare to leave. UPDATE: We just bought our first one way tickets! We’ve bought our backpacks, getting the house ready to convert our level to an Airbnb, finding someone to look after our rentals, passports are in the works (France), renewing other various ID, researched vaccinations (thanks Kim!), worked out a budget, where we need to get visas, and started a fabulous TRELLO board (well many actually) to keep track of the project. So much more to go. I can’t wait.

The world

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Practicing

What you resist persists

Practicing is something that I’ve been really looking at these days. I’m finding it especially powerful when it’s coupled with choice.

I’m noticing lately when I work with my clients, that we talk a lot about practicing. It’s like flexing a new muscle and building a new way of seeing things, doing things and being things.

Doing things the way I’ve always done them is:

  • easy
  • disempowering
  • comfortable
  • not a stretch
  • usually has a reaction associated with it
  • is robotic

While there’s nothing wrong with doing it this way, there is another way to chose. And the thing about this choice is it could be more POWERFUL than what you’ve been doing.

Things I notice with practicing:

  • there’s a freedom to try something else
  • it’s out of the comfort zone (where we know where growth resides)
  • it’s learning
  • stretching
  • sometimes challenging
  • more authenticity
  • more vulnerability
  • interesting to observe and notice what happens
  • can be playful, fun and enjoyable
  • less longstanding anger/stress
  • did I mention freedom?

I could see that I could be practicing this for the rest of my life. Looking at different ways to be in life, outside of what I’ve chosen for the last 42 years.

Some examples of this:

  1. Homework has always been -> MEH. If I chose something different, like FUN maybe it will be FUN! Or I could chose curiosity for this. And get really curious about homework.
  2. Gardening has been a burden and a chore. No enjoyment. What’s stopping me from choosing and practicing something else more empowering? SFA. Why am I married to something being so challenging or something that I will hate. And maybe fun doesn’t land, but maybe exploring does. Who knows just keep practicing something different.
  3. My business -> hard. Ok, so let’s chose something different and see if there is more freedom in this. Let’s choose excitement. Let’s choose abundance. Let’s choose easy. And then practice that.

We all know the saying “that which you resist, persists.” So what are you resisting in your life, and what you could practice so as to look at doing it from a more powerful way?

What you resist persists

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Choice

In the end there is always choice

As I travel along this journey through life and the kick ass program that I’m in right now, I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection and noticing about how I’m “being” and what’s going on around me.

These past couple of weeks particularly, have been interesting ones.

I have all the tools at my finger tips to move myself down the path to one of freedom, choice, love. I have the support team, my coach, my family and my friends. And interestingly, with the advice and powerful questioning that comes forward, I realize that this journey is my walk to take.

I’ve been a certain way for a long time. Scratch that, I’ve been many ways for a long time. Ways that empower me and ways that dis-empower me.

Ways that empower me: I can get shit done and take action. I’m a leader. I can build relationships. I have compassion. I have strength. I listen. I’m strategic. I am learning constantly. Knowing that when I’m outside of my comfort zone, it’s uncomfortable but it’s also a place of growth.

Ways that don’t empower me: I am afraid of rejection and judgements placed upon me (this blog post is conjuring up those fears of judgement right now). I control. I see things as right and wrong. I have a fear of not being good enough. I worry (about everything). I need safety in all aspects of my life.

Now that I know all of that, what do I do with it? I can practice choosing differently to have a different outcome. I see how the choices I have made for the last 42 years have impacted my life. Would I change any of those choices, I doubt it. Doesn’t matter. What I now see is that by making the choice to get stuck in something (pissed off, sad, angry, “in it”) is a choice I get to make. And that choice is powerful because I can choose to be sad, and really feel sadness. And then I get to make a choice to continue to do that or do something else.

When I found out about my friends daughter, I allowed myself to feel the sadness. Like really feel it. No suppressing. Crying, sobbing, the whole range of emotions. And then I chose to go to her and be there with her. And the emotional release that I had prior to that had me show up as love, strength and compassion for her rather than still trying to suppress myself.

In the end there is always choice

Yesterday, I was in a meeting, the meeting went a bit sideways and I got pissed off. More accurately: I was embarrassed and angry. I wanted to leave the meeting so bad (run away). I closed my computer and backed away from the table. Then I stopped and asked myself “Am I really going to do this?” and this question was enough to catch me and stop me. I then noticed my heart was pounding/racing and there was tension in my face. I was angry, embarrassed. I chose to take a few deep breaths and BE with the feelings and body sensations. I chose to stay. I noticed the embarrassment was only something I was feeling. And I noticed that it was just an interpretation of what someone else had said. It didn’t mean I was wrong or bad or stupid. It was just a difference of opinions.

Now, I didn’t say much for the rest of the meeting because adrenaline was coursing through my body and to be honest, I still had residual anger. And when the meeting was over, I didn’t dilly dally leaving. But I did go for a walk later to check in again: how was I feeling now? No anger. No embarrassment. No energy around it. No needing to be right. Huh. Not my usual M.O. And there was freedom in that, in choosing and noticing what is really going on RIGHT NOW. What do I want to do now? What choice do I want to make.

That to me comes from a place of inner power. I look forward to practicing this new found self awareness over and over again.

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